Listen, gentlemen. Pay attention if you're one of those guys who always considered himself unattractive. I belong to the same club as you and have been a member since childhood. As a man who started losing his hair at the age of nineteen and has a crooked smile with large floppy ears (at least I think so), I can tell you first-hand that I used to always look at men who seemingly lucked out by being born with gorgeous hair, symmetrical features, and a natural physique that flatters virtually anything that they wear.
Even those seemingly perfect-looking men, "God's favorite children," have insecurities. We all have our sense of inadequacies that loom over us like a dark cloud. Instead of being ungrateful for what life hasn't given us, let's get a grip on what we can improve about ourselves. Know that coveting will get us nowhere in life (hence why it's the tenth commandment). Jealousy will rip us apart from the inside and poison our souls, so it is best to break that habit now!
#1: SMILE MORE
After that build-up, you might feel underwhelmed by this first entry on the list. Here's the thing. Happiness is a choice. Don't just smile like Joaquin Phoenix as he forces himself to do so while playing the Joker. Smile because you mean it. People will notice your genuine smile, making you more likable and attractive.
It's easy to tell someone they ought to be happy, but let's be honest: life isn't easy for anyone, and some people have it worse than others. I won't claim that my problems are better or worse than yours, but no matter the obstacles or setbacks we face, we ALL must take responsibility to do something about it. We ALWAYS have the power to choose how we react to our issues in life.
In my separate article, where I introduce colors and how to dress for your skin tone, I share that the point of wearing colors is to draw the viewer toward your face. So if we're going through all that trouble, we ought to greet and reward the people looking at us with a pleasant smile.
#2: BE A GENTLEMAN
To be a true gentleman is to be a man of purpose, chivalry, initiative, honor, respect, and virtue. I don't care what others say, and I don't care where the world has seemingly gone. Chivalry isn't dead, and we must remind ourselves of that fact each day. Women who are properly brought up and who we ought to aspire to earn affection from certainly take notice of this sort of thing.
Aside from just women, hold doors, offer your seat, offer to help carry items, and provide general assistance to anyone. Chivalry isn't exclusive to women but applies to children, the injured, and the elderly. Help your fellow man/woman, period.
The first impression is vital, and how we appear to others carries significant weight, but only when balanced with the behaviors of the modern gentleman do we become the "total package" as men.
Proper etiquette and manners boil down to treating people thoughtfully and respectfully; at the core of everything, being considerate counts the most (but never at the expense of honesty). Throughout our daily lives, we must remain vigilant for opportunities to serve others, make a good impression, and catch ourselves when we slip up.
#3: DRESS WELL
This should come as no surprise to anyone who has explored this website. Personal style is a crucial pillar of what we're all about here. I have said it before, and I will repeat it. You may not care about how you dress, but I can assure you that what you wear for certain occasions (or generally) says something about you to everyone. You can never repeat the first impression, so try to make it a good one, whether for a job interview, for church, going out casually, or meeting friends, because you never know WHO is watching.
If you're unsure where to start with your wardrobe, perhaps because you were never shown how to, then fear not. I have you covered.
#4: TAKE CARE OF YOUR FACE
Think again if you thought that washing your face with water was enough. It's alright, no judgment; I was there once before. I can remember quite vividly those days when, after showering, my mother would ask me if I used my "face stuff," to which I would answer "yes" only to placate her, never truly seeing the value or appreciating the importance of healthy skin, especially when it came to my face.
UTILIZE A FACIAL CLEANSER
Cleansers are designed to adequately clean your face without affecting the pH balance of your skin. Standard soap just doesn't cut it and often dries out our facial skin, so don't use your body wash for this! Use a facial cleanser each time you shower, preferably twice a day.
You've probably heard this term before; if not, you're hearing it now. Exfoliation is the act of washing or rubbing away areas of the skin to remove dead skin cells. This typically takes the form of a scrub with a physical abrasive (coarse particles) that buffs away dead skin cells. However, it can be achieved with other tools such as brushes, cloths, or pads.
It is possible to over-exfoliate. Like almost everything, too much of it can yield adverse outcomes. A good rule of thumb is to prioritize exfoliation two to three times a week. Everyone is different, so depending on your skin's unique properties, you may require exfoliation more frequently, but do not overdo it!
Eye creams are essential because, as men, the first signs of aging are often evident in our eyes. I, myself, have had baggy eyes and dark circles underneath for the past few years, so this is something to watch out for.
It's ideal to use the eye cream each time you wash your face, but once daily before bed is fine. If you decide to use the cream in the morning, I recommend storing it in the refrigerator to reduce puffiness in your eyes once you've applied it.
Some people struggle with dry skin more than others, but we all deal with it as humans. A moisturizer will help keep your skin hydrated, making you look (and remain) healthier. Ideally, this should take place morning and night.
#5: TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY
If dressing well is one side of the equation, then taking care of your body is the other. This means being well-groomed and in shape. No excuses! Taking care of yourself is a massive indicator that you have a sense of self-worth and will allow you to fit better into that dapper outfit you picked for your date. If a woman works hard to look her best, we should always do the same as men.
Make sure that you smell inviting, your fingernails are smartly trimmed and clean (a common discrepancy among us men), your hair is well-kempt (assuming that this applies to you), your skin is hydrated and healthy, and that you have a general aura of not only cleanliness but neatness. This is essential and should become something you do for your dates and in general because it is who you are as a man.
#6: GIVE PEOPLE COMPLIMENTS
When people pay us genuine and honest compliments for our work, our admiration for them increases. The keywords here are "genuine" and "honest." If these hold and no ulterior motivations are present, you can bet that the person receiving the praise will feel more inclined to engage and entertain the one issuing that praise. After all, it feels good to be recognized for our efforts; words of affirmation uplift everyone.
Simply put, paying people compliments will boost your attractiveness. Additionally, any woman worth her salt will recognize the praise and encouragement you assign to others. If she has a heart worth pursuing and earning affection for, then she will admire you for your kindness and generosity.
#7: TALK ABOUT OTHERS MORE THAN YOURSELF
Nobody cares as much about what you want as they care about what they want. If you are trying to gain influence over others and win them to your way of thinking, you have to start by taking a genuine interest in whatever they are passionate about.
It's not about you (or me, for that matter). The world includes other people with their own thoughts, ideas, and opinions. We don't have to agree with everything people say, but just because we disagree doesn't mean we are allowed to be rude. Listen to what others have to say and refrain from dominating conversations.
Don't be that way towards others. Remember how those instances made you feel and do well not to make the same mistakes. Master the art of listening, and you will attract others.
#8: HAVE GOALS
High-value, healthy individuals know what they want and can follow through with achieving their goals. These are hallmarks of goal-oriented individuals who know how to manifest their desires by working diligently to achieve them.
This is particularly attractive to high-value women because, for starters, an ambitious woman most often wants an ambitious man to match her. Having clear goals and the competency to create plans to achieve those goals demonstrates our level of capability. To women especially, this indicates whether or not we will follow through with necessary actions that can positively feed a relationship.
Ambitious and goal-oriented men make strong leaders and attract others on the whole.
#9: BE CONFIDENT (BUT ALSO KIND)
You hear it all the time, "just be confident." Unfortunately, confidence is only one side of the equation. You see, kindness is often in short supply these days. There are plenty of people out there who are drawn to confidence for the wrong reasons. To be kind is to treat others with dignity and respect, to express empathy, and to be emotionally intelligent. Trust me when I tell you that the best types of people recognize these behaviors in others. You see, it often takes one (an empathetic and emotionally intelligent person) to know one, and birds of a feather flock together.
These are just the people we should aspire to be like and surround ourselves with. After all, we are often the sum of the company we keep closest to us.
#10: HAVE INTEGRITY
Not only should we remain true to ourselves, but also to others. Having integrity isn't just about doing what's right when no one is looking but also being able to follow through with our actions when they involve other people.
It is always an attractive trait to be perceived as someone who can "walk the walk" and not just talk a good game. Actions always reveal commitment, and genuine integrity is a quintessential hallmark of any high-value man.
This isn't just a trait necessary for romantic relationships, but all relationships in life.
The kind of example we set for others is powerful in its own right because it is tied to the influence we stand to gain over others, and garnering that influence is the first step in adding value to people.
Have integrity by doing what is right, always. Good people will take notice and be drawn to you as a result.
EASIER THAN YOU THINK...
We don't need plastic surgery or copious amounts of money to change our outward appearance to be attractive. Instead, working on our hearts and having enough self-respect to care for ourselves will pay dividends in our pursuit to become more attractive men.
Now, go show the world how good of a man you can truly be. Know that I'm in your corner, praying for you every step of the way.