Take a moment to consider the common image of a high-value man propagated by numerous modern influencers and life coaches: wealthy, money-minded, ambitious, physically strong, stoic, confident, educated, handsome, well-dressed, and desired by numerous women. In my view, this portrayal is largely flawed. While these characteristics are not inherently negative, they do not necessarily combine to create a high-value man. The image remains incomplete.
Who decides which values are "higher" and "lower?" What defines a value as "good" in the first place? What does it mean to be "good," and who or what sets the standard for moral goodness?
As men, it's crucial to consider what we will be influenced by and the beliefs we adopt when shaping our values, especially at a younger age. The recent "self-help" movement suggests that to be a high-value man, one must prioritize himself, cut out those who don't contribute positively to his life, and avoid anything that hinders progression towards attaining wealth and a higher status.
While self-care is important, self-absorption and arrogance are detrimental to any man seeking fulfillment and a purposeful life. Gentlemen, it's important to realize that the world is not ours to control. It existed long before us, with rules set by a Creator.
BE A LEADER
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
A high-value man does not lead by sitting atop his "throne" and demanding things from the people closest to him. Instead, he leads well by serving others selflessly (as Jesus Christ did) and ensuring that the people he loves are cared for and safe. A man recognizes the need to take charge and finds the strength never to abdicate his God-given responsibility.
A high-value man sees the big picture and recognizes that leadership is about taking people on a journey, whether in the workplace or as the head of a home. As renowned leadership guru John C. Maxwell said, "If there is no journey, then there is no leadership." High-value men who can chart the course and effectively leverage the talents of others to achieve collective success will always remain at an advantage in life because they realize that working together is better.
Christ modeled this with his disciples, leading by example and serving them so that they may serve others.
COMMAND RESPECT (NEVER DEMAND IT)
Your people should follow you because they want to, not because they have to. Take the time to get to know them and genuinely show interest in their lives. This will result in stronger relationships and a more unified organization. Respected individuals must earn and uphold the respect of others. True respect is not instant; it is earned over time and cannot be forced.
HAVE HONOR, COURAGE & COMMITMENT
These core values are near and dear to my heart because they are the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps values. As a naval officer, I believe these values are essential for all men.
Honor means never lying, cheating, or stealing (or tolerating those who do so). It means having integrity (i.e., doing the right thing when no one is looking) and an honest respect for human dignity. To be honorable is to exhibit the quality of maturity, dedication, trust, and dependability that commits men to acting responsibly. Honorable men must be accountable for their actions and always hold others accountable.
Courage comes from the heart. It is the moral, mental, and often physical strength ingrained in men from all walks of life. Courage is doing what is right or must be done, even when afraid. Courageous men must endeavor to do what is right and adhere to higher standards of personal conduct than the rest of society.
Commitment leads to the highest order of discipline for any person or team. As committed men, we must work diligently to maintain a healthy concern for others and an unshakable determination to achieve a standard for excellence in every endeavor.
BE GRACIOUS, KIND & PATIENT
A high-value individual should be kind to everyone. Many self-proclaimed "coaches" for men advise ignoring those who might lower our perceived value and status. This behavior does not indicate a high-value person but rather a conceited coward.
Some men tell others that their perceived worth is dictated by the "market" (i.e., other people), similar to a product sold. However, this is inconsistent with Christ's teachings.
According to God, everyone is born with value and purpose and is loved unconditionally by their Creator. Because of this, we ought to be gracious, kind, and patient with one another. God's Son, Jesus, came to heal the sick and redeem the sinners. This meant that He shared meals with the outcasts and the so-called "losers" of society. He did this because He wanted to heal, love, lead, and forgive.
It is because Jesus taught this that any man who wants to call himself high-value ought to follow the actions of the greatest man who ever walked the face of this earth. A high-value man does not put others down because he perceives them to be less than himself; he remains kind to everyone he meets because that is what God loves and commands in His Kingdom: to "love your neighbor as yourself."
With love comes patience, mercy, kindness, and grace. I'll be the first to admit that I am exceptionally impatient, but I recognize that if I want to be more like Jesus, I must align my heart in a way that causes me to be disciplined and more patient with others.
This isn't something I can do by myself, but luckily, I have an example like Jesus, who is with me just as He is with us all, no matter where we find ourselves in life. He is always knocking on the doors of our hearts, ready to be invited in to heal us with grace and mercy.
BE EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT & EMPATHETIC
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence can be defined as the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. We can be the most intelligent man in the room and have an IQ that is off the charts. Still, if we can't control our emotions or consider the feelings of others as we work and live amongst them, then the successes we will enjoy in life will be exceptionally limited.
EMPATHY
Empathy is a powerful tool and a fundamental and necessary ingredient of any person's overall emotional intelligence. In today's world, hard-hearted men care only about their successes and give little thought to the feelings of others.
It's important to remember that sometimes we must empathize and be present with others in their sorrow and hopelessness, just as Jesus did. The goal should be to empathize and connect with others while they face difficult times and remain a rock for them as they labor through their burdens.
However, we shouldn't dwell on others' hardships indefinitely. The best way to deal with hard times is to move past them, hoping to grow stronger after enduring loss or sorrow. Leading with the heart is important because high-value men are leaders at heart. A good leader will empathize with others to better connect with them and support them to meet their needs, just as Christ did.
BE A SEEKER OF KNOWLEDGE & TRUTH
A high-value man understands there is always more to learn and remains curious. He actively seeks knowledge and, most importantly, truth to grow and improve. This is how men can live purposefully and achieve their long-term goals. A high-value man focuses heavily on self-improvement to become a better person for the Kingdom of God.
A high-value man must always remain hungry and passionate for new knowledge while maintaining his ability to be teachable. He works hard to acquire the maturity to receive that knowledge while continuously seeking truth.
Only when anchored by truth do life's lessons become helpful for us and society. Every man must understand this as he navigates life. Nowadays, the truth seems to get buried under a lot of nonsense. The phrases "Live your truth" and "Tell your truth" are becoming increasingly common within modern Western society.
I believe there is only one God-given truth, and any man who wants to be considered a high-value individual will delight in the truth, not place blind faith in a relativist point of view that only leads to confusion and moral ambiguity.
SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
During my second deployment, my now-wife sent me a book for us to read together while we were apart for over six months. She said it had helped her understand the importance of setting healthy limits during a tough instance in her life. The book is called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It explains how to set healthy limits in our daily relationships, whether with friends, family, coworkers, spouses, or God.
The authors use Christian faith and contemporary psychology to offer ways to implement boundaries for better spiritual and emotional growth. Boundaries are like property lines or fences; we own them regarding ourselves and must use them to control what comes in or goes outside our limits.
Setting healthy boundaries means taking ownership of our wants, needs, and feelings. It doesn't mean that we have no stake in other people's issues or spiritual concerns; it simply means that we are not solely responsible for them.
High-value men must realize the importance of setting healthy boundaries in their everyday relationships while simultaneously recognizing what the Bible teaches: that we are responsible to others but for ourselves.
DRESS LIKE A GENTLEMAN
First impressions matter; that's simply the world we live in. Most guys don't seem to care about their personal or professional appearance, but take it from a guy who has spent nearly a decade in the military; it matters! Clothes don't necessarily make the man, but what we wear communicates something about us to others.
A high-value man must pay attention to his appearance and know that every person he comes into contact with will take note of the first impression he leaves. He understands the importance of owning clothes that fit him well and adheres to appropriate dress codes.
A high-value man makes every effort never to appear slightly overdressed or underdressed; he simply dresses well for every occasion. Dressing well shouldn't necessarily define you, but it should be a significant part of defining your image in the workplace and among your peers.
TREAT YOUR BODY AS A TEMPLE
If dressing well is one side of the equation, then taking care of your body is the other. Physical health is important! This means being well-groomed and in shape. No excuses! Taking care of yourself is a massive indicator of self-respect. It will also allow you to better fit into that dapper outfit you picked for your meetings with others or your first date with a lovely woman.
Get in shape if you haven't already. You don't need hulking muscles from lifting weights, but I firmly believe that being healthy means that you will look better in your outfits and (more importantly) feel better and become better for the people around you and yourself.
Just like dressing well, caring for our bodies communicates something to those around us. A healthy body often contributes to a healthy mind, which we would do well to remember.
EXERCISE HUMILITY
Many people today seem to lack humility. I often hear men expressing their desire to achieve greatness and be remembered for their accomplishments. They want to leave a lasting impression and live exciting, daring, and adventurous lives. However, living solely for personal recognition and ego-boosting does not bring honor.
My pride has been the source of great pain in my own life. Trust me, pride always comes before a fall. The harsh truth is that if someone wakes up every morning only to admire their own accomplishments, it will lead to a lonely and purposeless life.
Truly, I tell you that this is a certain path towards destruction. You see, we are all insufficient in God's world because we are flawed sinners in need of a savior, and that's why we are never enough. We were born incomplete and broken with a readiness to sin against one another. When man insisted he was enough, the world fell as it did, and when humanity turned away from God, destruction followed. The rest is history.
As a rule, high-value people do their best to remain humble because, deep down, they realize that they are simply not enough for this complicated world, but that's okay because Jesus is.
KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF
Good men remain steadfast and are judicious with how they administer their hands. When the time calls for fighting, either by words or deeds, a man springs into action and delivers swift justice to defend the defenseless, never for personal gain or a twisted sense of power.
DUTY BOUND
A high-value man fights for justice and maintains his honor and the honor of those he loves. Faithful men will be called to fight and defend their loved ones, and a man must remain ready and maintain the readiness of those he is responsible for. It is his duty.
People nowadays will try to convince men that they ought never to be violent, but just as there are times for calm, there are also times for action. I believe that all men should be capable of violence. If a man is genuinely harmless, he's weak, which is simply unbecoming of any proper man.
The ability to be violent but choosing not to act violent is what makes nonviolence a virtue. A man's physical power comes with a great deal of responsibility. High-value men aren't weak, but they are also never tyrants who abuse their power.
MERCIFUL
A true man knows when to fight and when to sheath his sword. These days, a little bit of mercy can go a long way, and knowing when to drop our fists and showcase tenderness is one of many hallmarks of a morally upright man. High-value men ought to fight only as a last resort, but trust me, my time in the military has shown me that evil exists everywhere in this good world gone wrong.
BE CONFIDENT (NEVER ARROGANT)
We often hear, "All you need to do is be confident; confidence is everything!" I always hated this vague advice because it is overly generic and rarely expanded upon. Confidence can quickly evolve into arrogance if we aren't too careful, which is never attractive.
Confidence means moving and walking with purpose and poise. It means standing up straight (not slouching your shoulders), wearing flattering clothes, shaking someone's hand firmly, and reading the room to behave appropriately and meet the moment. Ahead of anything, it's achieving all of this while being respectful.
Confidence is certainly not putting others down and elevating yourself. When we become arrogant, we lose virtually all the grace we've worked diligently to build up and run the risk of even slipping into offensive behaviors. Don't be this way!
BE DECISIVE, RESOURCEFUL & SELF-SUFFICIENT
A high-value man is resourceful in his ability to solve problems. He usually comes prepared; if he is not, he is decisive enough to make decisions while maintaining his composure. A self-assured man is often seen as the epitome of masculinity. High-value women certainly notice when things go wrong, and men step in to deal with the problems.
God engineered men with an inherent sense of resourcefulness. A high-value man can take care of himself without needing to be cared for by someone else. No woman worth her salt wants to be in a relationship with a man who isn't resourceful, self-sufficient, or decisive.
Good women want a guy who can one day become the head of the household. If you encounter a woman who says she doesn't, she isn't ready for a relationship herself. Plain and simple.
RESPECT THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE
Like it or not, we all have a preeminent authority in our lives. Every man worth his salt must recognize that authority matters. Some of you reading this might laugh a bit, but take it from a guy who has spent his entire adult life in the military: there is always someone in charge.
At the beginning of this article, I asked who determines which values are considered "higher" and "lower?" What defines a value as "good" to begin with? What does it even mean to be "good," and who or what establishes the standard for moral goodness?
After reading this post, I hope the answer is clear to you. God is the Creator of all things good and sets the standard for moral goodness.
If you want to learn more about who God is and the positive message about His Son, Jesus, consider reading about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. See where it leads you.
Regardless of your personal beliefs, goodness must come from somewhere. I refuse to believe that good or bad values result from chemicals sloshing around in our heads. Humans are far more beautiful and soulful than mere creatures who have evolved to a higher order.
I want you to know there is a right and a wrong way to be a man. Just as I know that God exists, I also understand what "right" looks like, and secretly, so do you.
BE A MAN OF PURPOSE
God made all humans with a beautiful purpose; man did not assign purpose to himself. No one knows this better than a truly high-value man. A man's purpose is not about how much money is in his bank account, his level of formal education, how stylish he is, and certainly not how many women he can have.
The ultimate purpose of every man is to fulfill his duty to cause the lives of others to flourish by leading well, providing well, empathizing well, defending well, mentoring well, and connecting well with them. We are all called to love our neighbor as ourselves, just as Christ did. This fundamental ideology from which all actions flow is what makes a man genuinely high-value.
