Dating nowadays is difficult. Take it from someone who has experienced various highs and lows when attempting to navigate the current dating landscape, which is equally frustrating, stressful, and at times flat-out bizarre.
I won't pretend to know what you want in a spouse, however, I have learned a few things about what a healthy relationship looks like.
Before we dive in, this article will be more meaningful if you have already read my separate post titled How to Be a High-Value Man. I recommend looking over that before proceeding with this one; of course, it isn't necessary, but helpful nonetheless.
To sum that up in as few words as possible...
Still with me? Good, because I'm about to drop some hard truths on you...
That's a big question that isn't easy to answer. Regardless of what type of woman you want to share your life with, these are unquestionably the types of women you should avoid entering into relationships with. Why? Because, as a rule, high-value men steer clear of these types of people.
1. THE TAKER
This type of woman takes but rarely ever gives. I have said it before, and I shall repeat it: give to a giver, and you will be fulfilled, but give to a taker, and they'll continue to take from you until nothing is left.
These women take your time, your energy, and sometimes more. They measure your worth only by what they stand to gain from you. They never reciprocate and treat you as though you owe something to them.
These women do have the capacity to give but pay close attention, and you'll soon notice that they only ever give to get. They are calculated in their approach to taking from you, and you need to pay attention to these behaviors if ever they arise.
A healthy relationship is predicated on mutual respect where both members are committed to giving what they can equally and fairly, ensuring that the other person's emotional "love tank" remains full as often as possible.
2. THE SELFER
This woman loves herself more than she loves you (or anyone else). She talks about herself all the time and makes everything about her. She only cares about getting what she wants and will make you feel like you aren't meeting the mark, no matter how hard you try.
This woman will tell you what to do and string you along. She will dominate conversations without letting you get a word in edgewise. She will only be interested in talking to you about her own interests and dreams for life, quickly dismissing what you have to say or even feel in your moments together. The priority is her and not you.
Healthy couples are on the same page and not only have an awareness of their partner's hopes and dreams, but they also share them. The pinnacle of any loving relationship is for a man and woman to unite as a single team, ready to push through life's tribulations. This can't happen if our partner is only really interested in themselves.
3. THE SPENDER
This woman is one that most of us have at least heard of before. Also known as the "gold-digger," this woman doesn't love you but instead what you have. Her association with you is predicated on all the wealth that you have built or inherited. She loves things.
Much like the Taker, she is interested only in what she stands to gain from you, but with this woman, it's all about money. "For richer or poorer" will never apply; when the chips are down, she will leave you alone and look for someone else whose money she can spend.
Financial burdens are one of the leading causes of divorce in America today. Everyone's financial circumstances are different, but do yourself a favor and find a woman who will stand by you. We (men) can't do everything ourselves or alone. We need strong, faithful, wise women to help light the path in our lives when we lose our way, not women who will forsake us at the first sign of trouble.
4. THE LOAFER
Nobody knows what this woman does (not even herself). She floats through life with no sense of direction or ambition and takes the path of least resistance, often letting growth opportunities pass her by. She will look to you to accomplish everything. She might thank you often and express gratitude, cheering you on as you endeavor to take risks and reap the rewards, but all of that will be your burden, not hers.
A high-value woman wouldn't want a man like this, so why on earth would a high-value man want a woman like this? There is a considerable difference between caretaking and caring. A caretaker is someone who babysits and assumes too much responsibility for the other person. Instead, we should focus on caring for our partners by remaining present in their life, making time for them and their needs, contributing, and keeping their emotional "love tanks" full.
This is a two-way street. Just as our partner requires this from us, so do we need it from them; if you choose to be with a Loafer, you'll only be left wanting.
5. THE BLAMER
This woman will never apologize and only seeks to push the blame onto you. She is entitled and finds for ways to make you feel like you are the problem.
As men, the chances are pretty high that we're going to be wrong about things in many cases, and it's important to apologize, not just because we want to move past conflict, but because we recognize our errors and will seek ways to find solutions and abstain from falling into future conflicts.
But while you will apologize for your transgressions, she will never find it in herself to reciprocate. She has to be right and ensures that you know it.
No one should ever tolerate this lack of accountability, man or woman, so get away from her as fast as you can (and people who are generally like this, altogether).
We would all be better for it.
6. THE NO-FRIENDER
Just like men need healthy relationships with other men, so do women. We won't ever be able to meet every single need that our spouse has in life, but recognizing this and acknowledging that members of the same sex can only meet particular needs is essential. As diligent partners, we should encourage the women in our lives to build and maintain strong, healthy relationships with other women.
Take it as a massive red flag if a woman has no friends (especially no female friends). This is a big tell-tale sign that she is not emotionally healthy. There is nothing wrong with befriending these types of people; we should find ways to be a part of these people's lives because they may need our assistance. However, entering a romantic relationship with someone like this is entirely different.
Healthy people attract other healthy people, and by the same token, unhealthy individuals attract those who are also unhealthy. This is the way of the world, and I would encourage any man to keep his standards high and find a woman who will value healthy relationships outside of their romantic life, just as we (men) ought to do the same.
7. THE DRAMATIZER
This woman lives in dysfunction. She loves to hate it and is indifferent about how it affects you and your life. Without skipping a beat, she will dissect anything and everything you or others say and do to her and always overreacts. She creates issues instead of finding ways to fix them.
This type of woman will go through your phone when you aren't looking, asking you questions about why you're standing next to a female co-worker in the annual workplace photo, etc. She is toxic and overanalyzes everything you do in order to control you and play the victim.
The world requires that we roll with the punches by giving into the serendipitous nature of life. We can't get everything right all the time, and letting go of the things we can't control so that we can better focus our attention and energy on the things we can is the hallmark of a healthy relationship that a couple can share.
Dysfunctional women won't accept or cope with the struggles of life and, indeed, won't find ways to move past them. Instead, they will wade in a river of drama, belaboring like there is no tomorrow. Do yourself a favor and move on.
8. THE HIDER
When we try to hide who we are from others, it is usually out of fear of abandonment. We are afraid that people will not love us for who we are and that this will further feed our loneliness. The truth is, it’s exhausting to hide all the time. We become a more honest version of ourselves when we can be who we are and learn to accept that.
Once we have learned to love and accept who we are and commit to personal growth, we must seek to forge healthy relationships with women who share this same value, and our healthiness will play off of theirs and vice-versa.
The purpose of any loving and lasting relationship is to work together as a team and break through life's obstacles. It's tough to do this when a partner dumps most of their energy into staying hidden from the world (man or woman).
There's nothing wrong with befriending these types of people; I would encourage all of us to be friendly to them because they often need inspiration and genuine kindness (as do we all). However, becoming romantically involved with someone like this will prove trying in the long run for you and her.
9. THE NO-NEEDER
Yes, we have saved the most controversial type of woman for last. She's the one that says she "doesn't need a man," and yet she dates them. Some of you reading this may laugh, but those who have a bit of experience navigating today's dating world should know these women exist.
This woman is powerful but values territory over teamwork, and its often evident in her place of work. Instead of using her power to inspire, encourage, and bring others together, she uses it to advance her own interests. I have worked with and for women like this; they move through life with a chip on their shoulder and something to prove, often due to some deeply-rooted pain or sense of inadequacy.
Let's get something straight; these characteristics are just as unattractive and destructive in men as they are in women. Again, a loving relationship is built on mutual trust, respect, and teamwork. This type of woman only wants to own and control you, resulting in an unbalanced relationship where your own emotional "love tank" will not only be empty but will move closer and closer to exploding the longer you choose to subjugate yourself to people like this.
Trust me when I tell you that we can all do much better.
FIND LOVE THAT LASTS
There are some pretty incredible women out there. Virtuous, wise beyond their years, emotionally intelligent, patient, and kind. The thing that we need to concern ourselves with is being men who are deserving of their love and affection.
These women want men who show up for themselves, are humble and generous, have high standards, goals for life, and can be leaders in their communities and homes. So long as we focus on being the best version of ourselves, live honorably and courageously, and find ways to enrich the world around us in a meaningful way, these types of women will find us (or perhaps we will find them).
One thing is for sure, though. We won't find happiness or fulfillment if we settle for any of the nine women above.