LEADER OR MANAGER?
The subject of leadership can cause quite a bit of debate. Often, we see great leaders depicted in many of our favorite films or read about them in books and stories that we grew to love.
As I've grown to appreciate the art of leadership, my thoughts and feelings have altered considerably. I have noticed that people often mistake leadership for management in today's world to a staggering degree. Even in the military, an apparatus I have served for several years, many "leaders" rise through the ranks when they seldom showcase genuine leadership qualities fundamental to its practice.
RULE #1: DON'T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY
Everyone wants to feel important, and Maslow's hierarchy of needs as well as countless other studies, have shown us that the need to feel valued is natural for humans. Some people, however, want to feel powerful because they take themselves too seriously.
This false sense of self-importance comes from a person's insecurities. They often care too much about what others think of them, and when challenged, they will lash out or remind other people that they are in charge. John C. Maxwell, a renowned leadership guru, calls these people "positional leaders" because they value their territory over teamwork.
I have encountered many of these people. They allow their rank, position, image, and status to define them, not what they can contribute to their team.
But good leaders are the ones who don't care about any of that because they know that building trust and working hard to gain influence over others is what really makes a great leader. Anyone can hold a position of power or authority, but true leaders are the ones who inspire people to take action and break through obstacles so that the team is successful.
In other words, great leaders take their jobs, followers, and initiatives seriously; they just don't take themselves too seriously (nor should you or I).
RULE #2: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU
Let's face it: humans are selfish (some more than others). But the simple truth is that it's not about you (or me, for that matter). When I was young and beginning to assume responsibilities and embark on my earlier leadership journeys, my father told me to avoid words such as I, Me, and Mine. "Strike them from your vocabulary," he told me, "because no one wants to follow someone who is only in it for themselves." That wisdom holds up over a decade later.
Good leaders need to understand that bringing out the best in others means that we need to be interested in what they are passionate about. As I have served in the Navy, I have been continually perturbed by the model of leadership that is sometimes displayed, that is, an inversion of this rule. It doesn't exist everywhere, but it is far more prevalent than one might expect.
As I began my time on board my first ship as a junior officer and within my first command out of San Diego, California, I was repeatedly instructed that to advance my career and qualifications, it was prudent for me to be "fascinated" by the things my bosses were merely interested in. I can tell you that only when I began to pander to the people above me did my life get easier as I tried to gain my initial qualifications in the early days of my career.
The standard ought to be the very opposite. It is far more effective and rewarding for the people in charge to build trust and influence with their subordinates by becoming fascinated with what interests the people they are charged with leading, and not the other way around.
Because to qualify as a true leader, we must take people on a journey toward a specific goal or outcome. If there is no journey, then there is no leadership. Any leader worth their salt will recognize that to be successful as an organization, the successes of the subordinates will culminate in the team's achievements and, by extension, the leader. It isn't about YOU; it's about how you can serve your people to help them become successful.
Being a leader is all about serving your subordinates and being an excellent steward to them.
RULE #3: FOCUS ON RELATIONSHIPS
Being a leader means investing in relationships. When it comes to working alongside others, the heart must come before the head, regardless of the work you are involved with. Humans are emotional creatures, and good leaders recognize this fact.
No one wants to work for someone they can't stand to be around. It makes getting work done much more painful than it needs to be, and we can't truly be fulfilled by the work we do, much less succeed in it long-term, if we don't enjoy it. To invest in relationships with your subordinates is to make their lives and work more enjoyable, trust me.
I have encountered people who think that the job and the organization's mission are "all that matters." Feelings and showcasing empathy are not as important, but that isn't the way of an effective leader. A manager's mentality focuses strictly on the organization's results and nothing more.
If you care only about "getting the job done" and not about the people who do the actual work, then understand that you're strictly managing, not leading.
Leadership requires much more from each of us. We don't get to decide what kind of baggage we inherit when we must work with others, just like we don't get to choose any of the circumstances that we must sometimes face in life. Leading is about taking what you have and making it better by investing in our most precious asset, people, because, without them, there is no leadership and there is no success.
As leaders, we must conduct the necessary maintenance on our people to function and succeed for themselves and the organization we collectively serve. People in positions of authority struggle with this because it's difficult. Still, as leaders, we need to safeguard and consider our people's needs on the journeys commensurate with our cause.
RULE #4: NEVER DEMAND RESPECT (COMMAND IT)
There is a big difference between commanding respect and demanding it. On average, people will never honestly go the extra mile for those in charge unless they feel their leaders are vested in their happiness and well-being. This is the bedrock for trust, and all great leaders make a point of taking an interest in their subordinates by listening to them more than they do the talking.
Your people should follow you because they want to and not because they are forced to. Learn about them and take a genuine interest in their lives. It will pay dividends in the relationship, the organization, and its goals.
RULE #5: ASSUME NOTHING
My parents taught me to be wary of making assumptions about anyone or anything. 90% of the time, there is much more to any situation than initially perceived.
I have learned that good leaders are slow to anger and quick to ask questions. This tendency to be inquisitive rather than implacable indicates a leader's steadfastness. People will always look to those in charge to carefully study and consider their reactions to certain situations. When we draw assumptions rather than take a pause and ask the right questions, we often create more issues that can erode relationships and affect our team's cohesion as a whole.
In moments of crisis, we must stay calm, keep our heads, and assume nothing because our people will look to us for guidance and counsel. How we react can mean everything in the right situations (and most certainly the wrong ones).
RULE #6: ANTICIPATE FAILURE
Failure is life's greatest teacher. Take any successful entrepreneur, businessman, military leader, or CEO and dig deep enough into their lives; you might just be surprised by what you learn about them.
Failure is inevitable, and to become great, we must resign ourselves to the reality that this is just one of many burdens of life. Of course, no one wants to experience loss, but nothing worth having in this life is easily achieved; the best things must come with hard work, perseverance, grit, and sometimes sacrifice.
Good leaders recognize the importance of failure and take measures to learn from it; so long as they keep moving forward and implement the lessons learned from their shortcomings, victories can remain in sight.
Additionally, organizations look to their leaders for guidance and wisdom when failures occur. When all eyes are on you to determine what's next, it's important to maintain composure and seek solutions for moving forward. Instances of loss are when the victories are indeed won because the moments when any team is most defeated are when a leader must shine to do their best work.
RULE #7: GIVE, DON'T TAKE
Good leaders never measure their successes based on what they can take from their subordinates but rather seek opportunities to give and add value to their people. Receiving and taking are two very different things; to take does not require permission, whereas to receive means that something must be freely given.
Good leaders quickly learn that they can receive in the best ways when they give to their people (not take from them). We must focus on adding value to others by finding ways to give to them; only then may we achieve lasting success that benefits all team members. By strictly taking, leaders stand to gain something in the short term but ultimately nothing in the long run.
RULE #8: EXERCISE EMPATHY
A leader's ability to empathize is a powerful tool. It doesn't make them soft but rather insightful. Emotional intelligence is one's ability to consider the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of others. I cannot stress enough the importance of this when attempting to lead others. In today's world, I see rigid managers who care only about the results they can enjoy and forget to take care of their most significant asset, their people.
It's challenging to consider the difficulties that others might face. We see people as workers so often that we sometimes ignore what transpires in their lives.
Whatever you do, always remain empathetic and seek to understand your subordinate's struggles.
RULE #9: DON'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP
Self-care isn't selfish, and more leaders should prioritize this in their daily lives. The balance between being the right amount of selfish and a servant to our followers is so crucial. I have witnessed people burn themselves out and self-destruct because they neglected to take the necessary time to feed their spirits.
This means doing constructive (not destructive) things that make you happy, whether learning a new skill, engaging with friends or a community outside of work, going for walks, spending time alone with your thoughts, etc. Leaders need to replenish their souls to return to their team refreshed and energized to complete the tasks at hand.
After all, people don't run on batteries, and finding a balance between serving ourselves and others is a testament to how well a leader can prioritize. It isn't easy; it's another reason why leading is so tricky, but the simple fact remains that you can not lead others until you first learn to lead yourself.
RULE #10: CONTINUALLY EXAMINE YOURSELF
Aside from self-care, perhaps the most important thing leaders can do for themselves is examine how they deal with others. Having tact means exhibiting sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult circumstances. Leaders cannot have discretion unless they take frequent looks in the mirror and silently question their actions.
It's easy to believe that what I'm describing is a promotion of self-doubt; after all, one of the worst afflictions that people in positions of authority face is being unsure of themselves, often leading to indecisiveness. Instead, I'm describing a leader's ability to focus on continual self-improvement, which cannot happen unless leaders are willing to be honest with themselves.
After all, no one who has worked hard to be in a position of influence wants to think of themselves as unworthy or unfit to lead. Still, it happens, and ironically, it is often due to the pride that they continuously feed without properly balancing it with appropriate self-examination.
IN THE WORDS OF UNCLE BEN...
To be a leader is to be a person of influence. To be a person of influence is to have great power, and as Uncle Ben told his nephew before he died, "with great power comes greater responsibility." Let's all use our leadership powers for good by adding value to others, winning their hearts and minds, and believing in them. Our ability to influence people positively is a gift; to whom much is given, much is required.
