NOVEMBER 26, 2022
I'll never forget the day my wife and I first met. We had been corresponding for a day and a half before deciding to meet halfway in Laguna Beach, California. I was stationed with the Navy in San Diego while Elise was an exhibition designer for the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles.
What started as a two-hour coffee date turned into ten hours of profound conversation about life, marriage, faith, and family. I remember parting ways with Elise that evening, driving home, and praying to God that this woman would remain in my life forever. It was one of the few moments in my life when I truly felt God guiding me.
Each morning, waking up next to the love of my life reminds me that God's plans for me are far greater than the plans I'd make for myself.
NOVEMBER 11, 2023
After dating for a year and spending over six months deployed with the U.S. Navy, Elise and I were married on my grandparent's front porch in Georgia. It was the exact spot where my father had proposed to my mother over thirty years earlier.
As I stood there, waiting for my father-in-law to present my beautiful bride to me, I daydreamed about our lives together. I was finally experiencing the day I had always wondered about.
OUR FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
Over the past year, I have learned so much from my wife. Marriage isn’t easy—something we all understand, whether married or single—but it is a beautiful gift from God that serves a significant purpose within His Kingdom.
Through my marriage to Elise, I have experienced God's glory nearly every day of our time together.
LESSON #1: THE NECESSITY FOR GRACE
My wife's grace reflects God's grace.
I often find myself saying and doing things that don't embody God's love or align with Christ's teachings. Throughout our first year of marriage, my wife continued to remind me that grace is closely tied to forgiveness, a gift we extend to others. When people falter or transgress against us, we can show them grace by offering forgiveness, even when they may not deserve it.
The way my wife demonstrates grace to me, even when I don't deserve it, serves as a constant reminder of God's grace to humanity through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, for our sins. None of us deserve God's grace, yet He was so moved by His love for us that He gave His one and only Son as a ransom for a world marred by sin.
My wife has taught me that grace is essential for human flourishing. The possibility of redemption for our wrongdoings can bring us tremendous hope for improvement and spiritual growth despite our struggles with sin and brokenness.
LESSON #2: THE IMPORTANCE OF GIVING
On our first date in Laguna Beach, I noticed a lunch bag filled with snacks in the back of Elise's little Toyota Yaris. I just assumed she kept snacks on hand for emergencies.
Later on, I discovered that the snacks were meant for homeless people she encountered during her travels. Before learning this, I found engaging in such an act amusing. I never did such a thing. After all, I had my own problems to deal with, and I believed that my money was entirely mine since I worked hard to earn it through an honest job.
But after reading more about what the Bible teaches about giving to the poor and needy and the significance of tithing, my mind (and heart) changed.
Despite being fundamentally raised Christian, I never regularly gave to the poor or the needy or even tithed a percentage of my income. But after meeting my wife and being graciously reminded of what God expects from those of us who follow Him, I realized that failing to give to others only increases the emptiness in our hearts.
We tend to think more of ourselves and less of others when we don’t give with a cheerful heart.
Now, I also drive around with a lunchbox full of snacks to do the same as my wife has done. I won’t claim to be a saint, but thanks to my bride, I am a better person than I was before.
The Bible teaches us that Jesus is associated with society's outcasts—the lame, the wounded, tax collectors, the sick, the poor, the disenfranchised, and the adulterers. He did this because He came to heal the sick, which requires empathy. Sympathy can be reduced to expressing sorrow toward others, but Jesus teaches us that empathy involves action.
Too often, Jesus climbed into the "pit" of despair with people, sitting with them before ultimately helping them out. He walked alongside others in their pain and suffering because He had so much love to give, and my wife reminds me every day that to whom much is given, much shall be required.
LESSON #3: HOW TO BE MORE PATIENT
Patience has never been my strong suit. I inherited my impatience from my father, who, in turn, received it from his father. While I still consider myself impatient, my time with my wife has significantly helped me become more patient.
I was born with a hard heart, and patience has always been a struggle. Although my time in the military didn’t help me develop better patience, my wife has managed to soften my heart in all the right ways.
I still have a long way to go in this area, but my wife has done an incredible job helping me improve. This personal growth will continue to benefit me as I strive to guide and support others, fulfilling my responsibility as a man operating in God's economy.
LESSON #4: HOW TO HAVE A SOFTER HEART
My hardened heart has often hindered my ability to connect with others meaningfully. I’m ashamed to admit that I spent the first twenty-six years of my life happily building walls and burning bridges with those around me.
Even now, I’m aware that some people may view me as a combative, prideful, and argumentative man, and they wouldn't be wrong to do so if you asked me...
While I cannot always control how the world perceives me, I realize that I must accept responsibility for the problems I have caused due to my prideful and selfish nature.
For a long time, being difficult to be around was simply who I was. However, my wife has taught me that admitting when we're wrong is not a sign of weakness but rather a display of strength. She has shown me that softening my heart—though uncomfortable—is often necessary to form genuine connections with others.
Since marrying Elise, I have made more friends and developed better relationships with people, both believers and non-believers. As a result, my influence and ability to lead and disciple others have grown significantly.
LESSON #5: HOW TO LEAD (BY FOLLOWING WELL)
Before our meeting, my wife had encountered men who did not lead effectively. While we were dating, she struggled with the idea of "submitting" to a man as her husband and letting him take the lead in a marriage. Her past experiences made her hesitance and questioning of men's capabilities and character completely understandable.
I recall asking her if she would submit to a man who could demonstrate exemplary leadership in marriage and the home. She responded affirmatively, and throughout our dating period and eventual union, she has shown her commitment by graciously following my lead.
In the first few months of our marriage, I thought I was teaching Elise how men should lead well. However, I've realized that she was teaching me how to lead better by being a supportive partner.
In God's design, men are meant to lead well in the home. Just as every sports team has specific positions that players must fulfill, marriage has its own structure, and God's design functions best when followed faithfully. My wife has always given me a good name to live up to. She encourages, compliments, and supports me when I need it most.
She has been kind and loving, even when sharing brutal truths. She has mastered the art of "leading up" by following well, and as a result, I have become a better man and leader because of her.
LESSON #6: HOW TO LISTEN BETTER
Anyone who knows me well will tell you I love to talk—especially my wife. However, talking all the time doesn’t really help anyone learn much. We learn best by listening, and my wife has taught me to listen more effectively by being more intentional about how I absorb what others have to say.
This has kept my pride in check and strengthened my relationships with others because I focus more on getting to know them rather than making myself the center of the conversation.
I don't think I would have learned how to listen better had my wife not been such a great listener.
LESSON #7: HOW TO PRAY MORE MEANINGFULLY
When I was young, I often prayed for things I wanted or when it was convenient. However, as I've grown older, become married, and matured spiritually, I've understood that prayer is a sacred endeavor that requires focus, time, attention, and passion.
As a follower of Christ, I am instructed to pray about everything, and my wife has taught me that there is nothing we can't pray about. Admittedly, I still struggle with this area of my spiritual life. I’ve never felt entirely comfortable asking for things, especially when I don’t feel worthy or loved.
However, had I not met and married Elise, I might never have considered the significance of maintaining a meaningful prayer life.
Despite being one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the United States ranks surprisingly low in terms of people's reported happiness.
We are among the wealthiest nations on earth, yet many are miserable, and we are facing a rising mental health crisis. Ironically, millionaires and billionaires can be some of the most unhappy people despite having access to virtually anything money can buy.
It's clear that money cannot buy happiness or joy. The message of Christ reminds us that we don’t have to face life alone and that we don't have to endure the hardships of our broken world without someone to walk beside us.
My advice is to start praying with intention. If you think there’s nothing out there, think again. There's an old saying we have in the military: "There are no atheists in the heat of war."
While it may be just a saying, the point still holds. When we reach the end of ourselves, staring into the abyss that life presents, our first instinct is often to cry out into the void. It’s instinctual. Prayer is an excellent and natural way to express this cry into the darkness as we desperately seek a response.
My wife has taught me that meaningful prayer can make all the difference, no matter what challenges we face in life.
LESSON #8: THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING KNOWN
Before I met Elise, I cared about being impressive to everyone. I daydreamed about making millions one day, being the wealthiest person in my family, and having my face and name recognized by a generous portion of earth's population, the whole nine yards.
Meeting my wife has allowed me to see the purpose of life on earth much more clearly, and that is that the only legacy that truly matters is that of Jesus Christ.
Many men focus on being recognized by the world around them, trying to leave behind a grand legacy. But the truth is, nearly all of us are just a few generations away from being completely forgotten, and that’s a sobering reality to acknowledge.
We can try to impress the world around us or strive to be known by others—not in the sense of being favored or famous, but in the way Christ sought to understand people, genuinely connecting with them on a completely human level.
The Gospel message reminds us all that we are woefully unimpressive, but despite that fact, the God of the Universe not only chose to love us from our very first heartbeat in our mother's womb, but He also sent His Son as a ransom for mankind.
As humans, we often try to present a "highly edited" version of ourselves to impress others. However, the cost of desperately wanting to be liked by everyone is to be loved by no one. This is not beneficial in a world that desperately needs love—the kind that Jesus gives.
To be known is to be real, and being real means being free. This freedom comes when we put our faith in the One Who saved us.
Don’t get me wrong; I still occasionally find myself slipping back into my old ways, wanting to be impressive, wealthy, and famous. However, with my wife’s help, I've come to better understand the truth of it all. This understanding makes it easier to let go of each fleeting second of my life that passes me by, as long as my heart remains focused on Jesus.
LESSON #9: THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVING JESUS FIRST
For those of you reading this who are practicing Christians, have an understanding of the faith, or are still deciding about the whole thing altogether, you've probably heard that according to Christianity, loving Jesus (the Son of God) is the most important thing we can do as humans, especially as men. If you didn't know this before, now you do.
But has anyone ever explained to you why this is so important? Perhaps no one has, or maybe you think God is jealous and demands our worship. But that’s not the whole picture.
God is the author of goodness. The Bible teaches us that anything good comes from God, who delights in all things loving, holy, and righteous. We humans, whether we acknowledge it or not, are deeply flawed and broken sinners who have been unfaithful to the God of the Universe.
Our only hope in this world marred by sin is to love and seek a relationship with God. He is the antidote and sent His only Son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for the sins of mankind—a solution to the problems created by sin and suffering.
To be a good man and husband to my wife, I must love Jesus Christ and acknowledge His sacrifice for humanity. Failing to commit my life to Jesus will never allow me to be sufficient; that’s just the reality.
Throughout our first year of marriage, Elise has reminded me in many ways that the best way to love her is to love Jesus first and seek a relationship with Him.
I become my best self when I seek the Father through the Son. When I open my Bible and my heart to God’s words, I fulfill my marriage vows to her. By decreasing my sense of self and increasing my focus on Jesus, I can be the best husband for my bride.
More than fame or fortune, my true goal is to be an excellent husband to my wife and father to our children. To achieve this, I don’t need a high-paying job or advanced degrees; I only need Jesus because He knows exactly what I need.
Committing myself to be in a relationship with Jesus, acting as He did, and placing my identity in Him is the best hope that I, or any of us, have to be good in the purest sense possible.
THE HAPPIEST YEAR OF MY LIFE
As I reflect on my first year of marriage with my wife, I can't remember a time in my life when I was happier. Time flies when you're in love, and I have been fortunate to share some incredible moments with her.
Behind every good man is an even greater woman who trusts Jesus, seeks a relationship with Him, speaks the truth, and holds her husband accountable. I feel truly blessed to have found such a woman in Elise Sophia Heath.
MY WEDDING VOWS
My Moon,
As I stand before you in front of our closest friends and family, I am reminded of the day we met in Laguna Beach nearly a year ago. As we walked along those sandy shores and asked each other all manner of questions, minutes turned into hours, and I knew that you were the woman that my family had prayed fervently for me to find.
Now a year later, I have asked you to be my wife on that very same beach and I could not be more excited to embark on this journey in life with you.
I have spent my entire life trying to find you; whether it was waking up early in the mornings and putting on my JROTC uniform in high school, marching in the cold snow at Norwich, or on patrol in the South China Sea and Persian Gulf, I prayed for God to prepare someone for me and bring me to where we are now.
Elise, I have never known a more kind or gentle soul than yours. You inspire me more than ever to be the man I have always dreamed of becoming. I have spent my life working hard to be a good man, but after having met you, I feel now that I can become a great one. You are my best friend, and I cannot wait to build our family together with Christ at the center.
Before God gave man a wife, He gave him a job; to cultivate and to guard his garden. To be a man is to be entrusted with enormous responsibility. To be a man is to be a cultivator and a guardian. To be a man is to know that God put me on this earth to cause life to flourish.
Overcoming my fears didn’t make me a man. Going to military school didn’t make me a man. Living on my own and learning to solve my own problems didn’t make me a man. Being an Officer in the military, deployed multiple times, and exposed to danger didn’t make me a man.
Meeting you, the love of my life, witnessing how much you love Jesus, and having been graced with the opportunity to cultivate and guard my very own garden in life has now allowed me to become a true man.
I am your man, Elise, always and forever.
I promise to be a Leader in our marriage, leading our team in a spiritual fashion and serving you so that I may command your respect and never demand it.
I promise to be a Warrior in our marriage, defending you and fighting for you so long as there is breath in my lungs.
I promise to be a Mentor in our marriage, always having the heart of teacher, and bringing our children up in the instruction of the Lord.
Above all, Elise, I promise to be a Friend in our marriage, lifting you up, encouraging you, praying with you, laughing with you, dating you, and working tirelessly to remain worthy of your affection.
I vow to glorify God by pursuing my life and joy in Him.
I vow to follow Jesus’s model and lay down my life for you.
I vow to put your needs before my own.
I vow to cultivate and guard you.
I vow to pursue what is best for you and our family.
I vow to be honest, humble, kind, patient, and strong for you.
I vow to lead our union with love, courage, passion, and truth.
I vow to appreciate you, fight for you, and protect you.
I love you to the moon and back, Elise.
