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How to Be a High-Value Man (& Attract High-Value Women)

8 min
Personal Growth  ✺  Relationships  ✺  Manhood  ✺  Leadership

A high-value man deserves a high-value woman to match him; it goes both ways. We want to become high-value men, and a part of this means working hard to earn the affection of a woman who is simultaneously worthy of our own. Here are ten traits that all men of purpose share.

Let's start by defining what a high-value man is.

A high-value individual knows their worth, shows up for themselves, is authentic, in many cases, emotionally intelligent, and most importantly, lives their life with a sense of purpose. 

A high-value man deserves a high-value woman to match him; it goes both ways. Gentlemen, we want to become high-value men, and a part of this means working hard to earn the affection of a woman who is simultaneously worthy of our own. Our actions ought to be genuine, intentional, and purposeful.

Here are ten habits of high-value men that we should all endeavor to emulate.

1. THEY PURSUE WOMEN (AND DON'T CHASE THEM)

There is a big difference between pursuing a woman and chasing her. Men who chase women are perceived as needy. An example of this is obsessively texting a woman and attempting to monopolize her time when you try to make plans. You have a life outside your time with this woman, including a job, hobbies, responsibilities, friends, etc. A needy man is a man who is ultimately weak.

When men pursue women, their decisions are intentional. No nonsense, no games, no tricks. Send messages to her to set a time and place for a date, and then enjoy the time you spend together on that date in person.

When we chase women, we slowly relinquish our ability to walk away because we emotionally attach ourselves to someone uninterested in reciprocating. Not only is this unfair to yourself but also to her. When we pursue women, we let our feelings be known by being considerate and consistent with our actions. We aren't so much fueled by emotion as we are by pragmatism, and this is a very grounded approach to getting what we desire in a dignified manner.

2. THEY SHOW UP FOR THEMSELVES

Have self-respect. Do not make this woman the center of your world; do not try too hard to impress her. Be yourself and show her that you respect yourself. This does NOT mean being overly confident or arrogant. True confidence is demonstrated in how we walk, talk, and carry ourselves. Considering all of this is attractive to any woman who is worth your time.

Showing up for yourself also means not succumbing to the games that women sometimes play. Whatever you do, never entertain someone who will string you along. You'll only ever be chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught, an effort in which you will remain fruitless (trust me). By accepting this, we demonstrate desperation, which is not only a severe waste of our time but also undignified altogether and thus the antithesis of self-respect.

3. THEY SET BOUNDARIES AND LEARN TO SAY "NO."

Do not ever be a pushover or accept disrespect. Having self-respect is knowing when to push back. Do not misunderstand; a gentleman doesn't resort to pettiness but instead sets clear boundaries for what he does and does not tolerate. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, that is your cue to move on; don't try to make it work by lowering your standards because you think your needs will eventually be met (they won't).

Women who are worth your time and effort don't seek men who are pushovers but men who stand their ground and set healthy boundaries for relationships. This is as much a showcase of honesty as it is commitment; honesty in that you are remaining true to yourself and committed to following through with standing up for yourself. Both of which are attractive to high-value women.

Again, when we accept disrespect, we relinquish our power to walk away. Saying NO is powerful. When we don't feel right about something, we ought to say NO to things we don't want to better say YES to the things in life that we do want. Have standards for yourself and say NO when you must; you will ultimately become happier, and the women worth your time will surely notice.

4. THEY DRESS THE PART

Whether it is something you value or not, let's face it: your style indeed says something about you. Like most job interviews, a part of the first impression is how you present yourself.

Want to demonstrate that you are a man who shows up for himself?

Dress well. This means understanding fit, colors, patterns, and your choice of garments for the occasion to look put-together wherever you go.

Women appreciate a well-dressed man for obvious reasons. You could always be one of those guys who "doesn't care about how he looks," I am sure there are women out there who will see you for who you are on the inside and perhaps even choose to love you… but we want to be the total package here, and I can tell you first-hand that most high-value women will instantly notice how you dress, your physique, and your grooming standards.

For tips on dressing well, read my six rules for style here.

5. THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR BODIES

If dressing well is one side of the equation, then taking care of your body is the other. This means being well-groomed and in shape. No excuses! Taking care of yourself is a massive indicator that you have a sense of self-worth and will allow you to fit better into that dapper outfit you picked for your dates. If a woman works hard to look her best, we should do the same every time.

Make sure that you smell inviting, your fingernails are smartly trimmed and clean (a common discrepancy among us men), your hair is well-kempt (assuming that this applies to you), your skin is hydrated and healthy, and that you have a general aura of not only cleanliness but neatness. This is essential and should become something you do for your dates and in general because it is who you are as a man.

6. THEY SET GOALS FOR THEMSELVES

High-value people, in general, are going somewhere in their life. We showcase grit and perseverance when we see our lives clearly, know what we want, and can follow through with achieving our goals. These are hallmarks of goal-oriented individuals who know how to manifest their desires by working diligently to achieve them.

This is particularly attractive to high-value women because, for starters, an ambitious woman most often wants an ambitious man to match her. Having clear goals and the competency to create plans to achieve those goals demonstrates our level of capability. To women, this indicates whether or not we will follow through with necessary actions that can positively feed a relationship.

7. THEY ARE AUTHENTIC

Always be true to yourself and never pretend to be something you aren't. People, in general, will almost always see right through the façades we try to build. Again, pretending to be someone we are not to appease others so that we can meet our needs never works out for us in the long run. It is a behavior predicated on fear and will never allow us to get what we want (and genuinely need) in life or from others.

A part of showing up for ourselves is remaining upfront with the world about who we are. If a woman can't accept this, then move on. It's not about convincing someone to like you; it's about finding someone who compliments you just as much as you do them.

Healthy people attract other healthy people. If we want to enjoy a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with the woman of our dreams, retaining our authenticity is central to that cause.

8. THEY ARE DECISIVE

High-value men are also actionable. As the saying goes, "a single decision is better than no decision." While this depends on the situation, being decisive is always more attractive than being indecisive.

Decisive men help women feel safer and more secure because they know that they have a man who can take some action in any given situation. This is always important as a partner when the going gets tough because it demonstrates our resolve as men. Make decisions, solve problems, and move forward. High-caliber women always appreciate this.

9. THEY HAVE INTEGRITY

Not only should we remain true to ourselves, but also to others. Having integrity isn't just about doing what's right when no one is looking but also being able to follow through with our actions when they involve other people.

It is always an attractive trait to be perceived as someone who can "walk the walk" and not just talk a good game. Actions always reveal commitment, and genuine integrity is a quintessential hallmark of any high-value man.

This isn't just a trait necessary for romantic relationships, but all relationships in life. Think of your name as a legacy in the making. If I do or don't do something, I imagine what kind of example I set for others. People will think, "that must be what Heath's do... or don't do."

Conversely, don't let what others think of you drive your decisions in life because we can't possibly please everyone, and honestly, we shouldn't want or feel the need to do so. However, the kind of example we set for others is powerful in its own right because it is tied to the influence we stand to gain over others, and garnering that influence is the first step in adding value to people.

If you have integrity and a woman is genuinely worth your time, effort, and attention, you can guarantee she will find her way to you.

10. THEY ARE LEADERS

Being a leader means knowing how best to deal with others. Leadership is about taking people on a journey, and as renowned leadership guru John C. Maxwell pointedly put it, "if there is no journey, then there is no leadership."

High-value men who can chart the course and effectively leverage the talents of others to achieve success for the team will always remain at an advantage in life because they realize that working together is better.

Working well with others and preserving great working relationships can usually translate to meeting the needs of a spouse. After all, if a man can control his environment enough to command respect and not just demand things from people, he can also demonstrate that he is worthy of a higher caliber woman to match his ambition, which is attractive and fulfilling.

BE THE MAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF TO BE

High-caliber women seek goal-oriented men who can chart the course in life and showcase decisiveness. High-value men are not pushovers who settle for less and have no sense of self-worth, direction, or ambition.

Seek to shed the tendencies that might hold you back from developing any of the above habits.

Of course, it's never easy, but by following what I have shared, I firmly believe that people will surely notice how you choose to live your life, opening doors for you that you might not have ever thought possible.

Sometimes, we find the right person through those doors or in the most unlikely places. I certainly did. Give it time and commit to self-betterment. Good things will surely follow!


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